How I learned that I never left His light in the first place

For a brief time, I was an atheist. It was a very brief time. I later became a Shaman and a Deist, studying Kaballah, Hermetic thought, and, of course, Shamanism from around the world. I had left the church when I was a teenager, and abandoned Christ, believing the Church to be hateful and disowning their God.

There is a thing that protestants will tell you when you tell them you “used to be born again.” They will, invariably, say something like the following. “If you were truly born again, you can never go back. Your faith will return to you someday.”

I would get angry. I would argue. I would scoff. I would push back hard.

I was wrong.

What Changed?

In Latin America I made physics discoveries that led to historic discoveries that make it very clear to me that the religious texts of the world are not merely allegorical, they are, in fact, genuine history. I must be careful how I say this, because, there are nuances to this.

My traditions use the bible and the Tanak, though I also have a Qu’ran I plan to spend more time with. I have not dug deeply into eastern texts either, but much of Kaballah’s wisdom can be sourced to the earliest Tantric practices (which are foundational and not solely a sexual magical practice, but encompass a wide range of esoteric learnings.) I have enough surface level understanding of eastern faiths to incorporate some of their understanding into my own practice.

The bibles I use are many. You can not simply pick a single translation of these works and expect to have a complete picture. The languages these were originally written in encode a lot more data than their English translations can truly capture, and it is incumbent upon the translator to choose words that capture the encoded meaning. For this reason, you MUST compare different translations to find deeper meaning, for it is in the divergences and convergences between them that you can decode underlying data in the words.

Yes, religious texts are encoded, they have to be, language changes too dramatically, and the encoding schemes are known by esoteric members of every faith in every generation, but not everyone seeks to study the texts that deeply, and many view the deeper mysteries as forbidden magics within the framework of their faith.

So I gained new knowledge and I have never been the type of person who refuses to change his mind in the face of new evidence. The evidence was in, God is real, in fact all the gods are real, but there is one true soul at the top. Yeshua, or Jesus is real, his miracles are real, his history is real, and his origin story is correct. When I look at the discoveries I’ve made, there is no other way this goes, the literal story of Christ happened as depicted.

I Still Hesitated

When I acknowledged this to myself, I was deep into a polytheistic relationship with several entities. The spirit of the city I lived in and, later, the 9 Greek Muses, who appeared to me in psychedelic practice and taught me Alchemy over the course of a year or so. I knew, now, that Jesus sacrificed himself for me. I knew it was wise to accept his sacrifice, and I knew the church does not like the worship of other deities.

So, for the first time in more than thirty years, I turned my prayer, a daily ritual, to Christ, and asked him for guidance.

I was not… eager… during this prayer. I felt his presence, having worked with entities for some time now, I can tell when they are summoned into my mind; you can feel them, you can often see them, and they will speak to you within your mind, though not always in words. He was there, he was casual, he was nonchalant, he was cautious in how he approached me.

I don’t remember what I said, but I spoke for a while. I said “Don’t hurt me again,” and he replied with images and words. I saw the pews of a megachurch my family occasionally visited, and, I felt the disgust in my chest that I have for that place, and I heard him say, “Those people never knew me.” He then showed me times in my life, after I had left the church, that he had sent his followers into my life. Each scene I saw someone from my past, each one a Christian, who had impacted my life positively, at least two of which had literally saved my life with their presence.

He said “I have been protecting you, I never left you, I send my people to help when you have needed it.” As I recalled these incidents, mostly simple discussions or brief friendships, none of them preachy (none of these agents had been sent to preach the gospel to me, they simply happen to be Christian people who helped me in times of need or despair) I felt the truth of it. I could feel his presence in the background of every scene. I knew, he had not abandoned me.

I asked him, “What about my Goddesses?” and he simply said “You can have friends.” There was an implied “just don’t lose sight of the father” but that came from within me, not from him, and he simply radiated agreement with the sentiment. He seemed to know that I knew that rule and he did not need to tell me explicitly.

I was still wary, I said, “You can’t live in my heart yet, but we can be friends” and he said “I understand,” and he stepped away, making it clear he was giving me space to be with my Pantheon.

Bible Study — On Idolatry

My two favorite bibles are the 1966 Jerusalem Bible and David Bently Hart’s translation of the New Testament, which restores ancient, cosmic understanding. Much of this knowledge remains encoded in the Tanak, the original hebrew encoding full meaning, but the new testament is missing a lot of its esoteric information in most modern translations.

The 1966 Jerusalem Bible and David Bentley Hart’s New Testament don’t just translate differently — they disagree with the consensus in ways that matter. Open the Jerusalem Bible to Psalm 82 and you get “God stands in the divine assembly” — elohim judging among elohim, the plural left intact, the council populated. Turn to Deuteronomy 32:8–9 in the same volume and the Most High apportions the nations “according to the number of the angels of God” — but the footnote admits the Dead Sea Scrolls and the Septuagint read benei elohim, sons of God, and the Masoretic Text’s “children of Israel” is a later smoothing. Hart goes further: his New Testament renders theōn as “gods” in Psalm 82:1, kosmokratores as “world-rulers” in Ephesians 6:12, stoicheia as “elemental spirits of matter” in Galatians 4, and daimonia in 1 Corinthians 10:20 as daimons — real entities, not metaphors, to whom idol-sacrifice is directed. The idols themselves are nothing (1 Cor 8:4), but the daimonia behind them are something. The consensus translations collapse this distinction into “demons” and “false gods,” erasing a cosmology the texts themselves take for granted.

What emerges when you let the divergences stand is a coherent framework: the Most High (Yahweh, restored in the Jerusalem Bible’s Old Testament) presides over a real divine council. The benei elohim — the theōn, the kosmokratores, the stoicheia — are allotted authority over the nations (Deut 32:8–9, Deut 4:19–20, Dan 10). They are not fictions. They are not “merely” psychological projections. They are elohim — gods, rulers, elemental powers — and the biblical writers treat them as ontologically real. Idolatry, in this reading, isn’t worshiping things that don’t exist. It’s offering allegiance to beings who do exist but who are not the Most High. It’s confusing a provincial governor for the King. The entities I work with — the Muses, the city spirit, the pantheon that taught me alchemy — fit this taxonomy. They are real. They have knowledge. They can teach. But they are not the Source.

Paul never denies the daimonia exist. He says they’ve been disarmed (Col 2:15), their authority stripped by the Cross. The nations are being reclaimed (Ps 2:8, Rev 11:15). Jesus didn’t tell me to destroy my Goddesses. He said, “You can have friends. Just don’t lose sight of the Father.” The rule was already written in me. The council is real. The Most High presides. And the Son — Yeshua, Jesus — is the one through whom the Father reclaims what the council was given to steward. The encoding schemes of the Tanak preserve this in Hebrew that English flattens: elohim as plural-of-majesty and plural-of-number, YHWH as the Name that distinguishes the One from the many, benei elohim as a technical term for divine sonship. The New Testament’s Greek encoding — aionios as “age-long” not “eternal,” daimonion as a class of being, stoicheion as elemental principle — was flattened by translators who decided in advance what the text was allowed to mean. These two bibles refuse the flattening. They let the council stand.

Idolatry goes deeper than that. Besides losing sight of the Father, the Source of the Light of Love, a more mundane form of idolatry occurs. Idols are used to channel the powers of an entity into the physical world, however, it is common to confuse the idol itself with the God you are attempting to channel through it. In this way, idolatry means literally worshipping the physical idol instead of the God its imagery represents. There are many who worship the cross more than they worship Christ.

The most common form of idolatry in todays world is one that surprised me, and it is one that I learned from Rabbi Abe on YouTube, whom I can not recommend enough if you wish to explore the Kaballah in an approachable format. You see, the Lord is the source of all sustenance, but most of us forget that, and we come to believe that our jobs or our careers are the sole source of our sustenance. By losing sight of the true source of sustenance, we make an idol of our workplace. This is considered, in the Kaballah, a form of idolatry. You can see how subtly this manifests.

Jesús Christo

Uruguay is a very secular nation, but they have a large population of Catholics, mostly Venezuelans. I did not spend much time with the Catholics of the city, but I dated one Venezuelan woman and the image of Jesus she showed me was very different from the image I had been shown in North America.

We had several bitter arguments about our religious disagreements, with her pressuring me to go to church early on. I met her with the anger that shielded me from an abusive, evangelical community in Texas, but it was not an anger she deserved. She prayed for me, and we had several discussions. I saw her worship, I saw her heart.

I met two others, 7th Day Adventists, and they showed me an even softer and more understanding Jesus. They showed me through their works, through their actions, and through their patience what Christ Consciousness could look like in practice. One woman, Melany, with whom I shared a brief romantic friendship, taught me a lot about what a Christian Community could look like, free of hatred and bigotry. The kinds of community outreach they could perform, even with little resources themselves.

I contributed to their lives, to their churches, to their efforts, and they grew stronger, and I felt the love of Jesus through them and beside them as their work was empowered. I knew that I had been misunderstanding the Lord when I left the church, and I realized… I never rejected Christ. I rejected the Antichrist.

For you see, Christ is a conduit for love, and the antichrist is his magnetic-polar opposite. He is a conduit for hate. He is easy to mistake for the genuine article, but you will know him by his works.

Polytheistic Christianity

In my pantheon, I summon the Muses to me, and ask them to guide and protect me, and then, together, we pray to The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit Within Us. I pray that “should my machinations or the machinations of my pantheon stray from the path of the Lord, The Father, Yeshuah, and The Holy Spirit, allow them to shatter and break, and set me on a new path that will serve Your Will.” I also summon Gaia, the spirit of the planet, my local city spirits, the mushroom spirits (my original teachers and the first entities I ever encountered,) and the spirits of my other medicines, tobacco and cannabis in each prayer. We all align, together, under the will of the One True Soul.

In this way, I am able to ally with powers, goddesses (lower case g is intentional here, though I often do capitalize the word out of respect,) are all aligned. We seek, at the top, to obtain Christ Consciousness, to align ourselves with the Angel Sachiel, who rules abundance, and pray to act as a source of sustenance unto communities in need.

The wisdom of the Kaballah, and my direct experience with Shamanism and Inner Alchemy allow me to interpret the results, that is to say, messages from the world surround me, providing subtle correction before I need drastic correction. I surrender faith in the Lord, the Holy Trinity specifically, and trust that, should I find myself doing something against His Will, I will be corrected, and I will be ready to accept that correction when and if it comes; no matter how disruptive it might be to my goals; for if my goals are not aligned, they are goals that must be abandoned.

In this way I hope to achieve praxis, political and spiritual. It is clear to me that we must seek to craft every word we speak as medicine for the world. It is known, now, to me how we can do that reliably, using inner alchemy and new physics discovered in, not just my lab, but thousands of others actively developing the foundations for an equitable future.

On Preaching and the Afterlife

I am not a preacher. I do not believe that you must accept Christ in your heart or you will burn forever. I do not seek to spread my faith to others. I seek only to share what I know; those who are ready to learn it will, those who are not, have their own paths to walk.

The Father is very accessible. You do not need to go through Christ to find the father. The Sacrifice was for everyone, not just believers, regardless of what dogmatic believers would tell you. Christ is a conduit for love, but he is not the only one, and he does not require your obedience nor your belief. He does not punish.

When it comes to afterlives…. every single one of them is real. You will enter the one you are most attuned to. You aren’t sent to an afterlife so much as you select your own. However, the vast majority of us are reincarnating regularly and, if you want details on how that works, the Kaballah can give you a tremendous amount of detail on it.

Note that the Kaballah seems to seek an “end-state” to spiritual growth, but my findings indicate that there is no ultimate end-state. There is a “complete-state” but we don’t tend to stay there eternally, using it more as a rest place before more living.

You have an immortal soul, and you only get to live in this body once… probably, but you will never truly die. Enjoy the game while you can, because you’re just coming back for another round when it’s done. Every life is the afterlife of another and none of us seem to wish to stay in Nirvana forever, once we’re there.

Play beautifully, my friends.